What If's

August 27 has been marked on my calendar, noted in my phone, and a date I can't stop thinking about.

While the new stage anticipates the start of their PC experience in September, I can't forget my original RIM COS date. 14 months in Mauritania, close to a year in Morocco. If I COS-ed tomorrow (aka completed my PC service contract), what would I be doing afterward?

Thought I would cruise ship back to DC, or Hawaii, or some place new, move to the Emirates, travel around Africa and Eastern Europe, or who knows. Vacation in Mexico and Canada. Definitely reconnect with loved ones, eat everything, drink everything, and wear short(er) skirts. Law school? Business school? Foreign service? Back to the corporate world? Whatever it is, I would appreciate life tenfold. The world's my oyster, and PC would be the time for me to decide what I wanted to do next.

Perhaps it's a good thing my new COS-date isn't until next November, because I still have no idea what I want to do next. I'm not prepared for the next step. This month especially, I definitely questioned my commitment to spend another year in Morocco. I miss how things could have been if I didn't, and by things, I mean the optimistic greener grass side of could-have-been's.

Every day, so many things annoy me about being here, but they're balanced out by "awwww" moments that make me think I have the best site/best experience ever. At least, right now at this exact moment anyway. The balance fluctuates between love and hate, appreciation and masochism, "chinouiya" and "bejaadia," and clam chowder verses harira.

I'll be traveling around Morocco for two weeks starting tomorrow: visiting friends, celebrating/mourning the fake-COS-date, being uber productive sourcing material/developing new product ideas/craft-fair planning, pampering myself like a tourist (why hello, American dollars), and trying to survive the Ramadan heat without looking like a hippie/whore.

Me, me, me, blah, blah, blah, whine, contemplate, wine, imagine, plan. To the next step.